Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Wilde Shore

Guidos can be clever.  The potential is there, only it's hidden very very deep.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Portal Triple Threat

If you guessed that Beryllium is sick with the flu, which is why there are so many posts today, you win a dirty bowl of chicken soup.

Double the Turrets, Double the Fun

I like it better than Still Alive, because you can't really belt Still Alive in the shower and because I'm an Internet Hipster.  How much of an Internet Hipster?

I downloaded the sheet music.

And the a capella arrangement...

... And wired the piano in the ROACH sub basement lounge to electrocute anyone who tries playing chopsticks.  Which has nothing to do with this song.  I just really hate chopsticks.  And Heart & Soul.  And Pachabel's Cannon.  And most of Andrew Lloyd Webster's song catalogue.  Ditto for Rogers & Hammerstein.  And most Baroque Chamber Pieces.

Really, it's better to just not play that thing at this point unless you're absolutely certain that you don't want to end up as a victim of spontaneous musical combustion.

Philip Glass is still okay, though.

... usually.

There's Science To Do.

You'll have to turn it up.  It's very quiet, but vital for the following (loud) reasons.

See? Your spawn are not safe unless they are guarded by a plushie turret.

But how does one acquire said turret since Apeture Science is a fictional company?

You roll up your sleeves and you make your own.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Zombie Science Degree

So yes, it is possible to get a degree in Zombie Studies without having attended the class (busy supervillains don't have the time), but the bad news is that you have to know A LOT about prions and you WILL agonize over whether or not the information in this book is applicable to the test.

The Future Now: Item 1,903

Google funds project to teach computers regret

With funding from Google, a team of Tel Aviv University researchers is working on an algorithm to teach computers to learn from their experiences, thus reducing instances of "virtual regret." According to the team's lead, such an algorithm would allow servers and routing systems to more efficiently deal with internet traffic, by recognizing and documenting things like sudden spikes in traffic or increased attention to an online product. Basically, the more they learn from their past inadequacies, the more effectual the machines become. 

I've seen this somewhere before.

Give me a minute.


It's coming to me...



... almost....

I remember now.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Cape-A-Bility Challenge: a New Low for Superhero Gimmicks

This isn't the post with words I promised earlier. This is something that Lady Discordia, ROACH envoy to the Alpha Centauri Star System found and brought to my attention.

Can't find a job? Workforce Central Florida
 wants to give you a cape

It may be hard getting a job in today's labor market, but Workforce Central Florida is prepared to give you a cape — a shiny, red cape.
At least while supplies last.
The region's federally funded jobs agency is spending more than $73,000 on a media campaign to raise awareness of its services.
As part of a superhero theme, it has created a cartoon character named "Dr. Evil Unemployment" and spent more than $14,000 on 6,000 satiny superhero capes.

The goal of the campaign is to "generate awareness of WFC and our programs," agency Vice President Kimberly Sullivan wrote in an email. The agency spent about $2,300 on 12 foam board cutouts of Dr. Evil Unemployment, each about 5 feet tall.
It paid $14,200 for the capes — almost 20 percent of the campaign's budget — which feature the "Cape-A-Bility" logo and the Workforce website.
"I have 6,000 capes to hand out," Sullivan said.

You folks know how I feel about "awareness campaigns".   And can we make being unemployed just a little more degrading?  "You can't feed your kids and you've been living in a seedy motel room since you lost your house-- here's a waist-length satin cape with our logo on it!  No, we won't pay you to wear it, it's a gift from us to you!"

Read the rest of the article HERE.

I'm working on an actual post with words and stuff... it will show up eventually.  But for now let's just concentrate on Stitch wearing the 10th Doctor's trainer on his head.


*sniff*  I have something in my eye.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Portal Kombat

Cadbury Creme Science

We've seen Peep Research, but what about Cadbury Creme Eggs?

First, exploring the physical properties in a sealed vachum as well as when brought to a temperature of -200 degrees celcius, as well as the chemical properties when exposed to Potassium chlorate.

Conclusion: Even tenured professors end up having to do a lot of lab clean up.

And then to the crash lab where, honestly, the frozen or flaming eggs would have been much more interesting

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

1942 Interrogation Techniques

Also comes in Beef, Pork, Veal and Tongue... So you can disgust Hindus, Muslims, Animal Rights Activists and whatever sick bastard says "I actually don't mind liver".


Cathy's House

Monday, April 18, 2011

If Disney Princesses were Historically Accurate

Beauty and the Beast 

Aladdin (with apologies to Persia)

Snow White

(You might notice a certain resemblance with the last image and the vastly underrated Snow White: A Tale of Terror, which neatly kicked off a number of horror retellings, Neil Gaiman's "Snow, Glass, Apples" being my (disturbing) favorite)

shoomlah's DeviantArt

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

Buddy Holly is Alive and Well on Ganymede

What amuses me most about this clip is that the main character is wearing what is almost an exact replica of the standard-issue "get to mopping, peon" ROACH jumpsuit.  I still have mine.  It's caked in paint and is stiff as a board from my time in the clay mines, but I still have it!

Read more about the movie at Boing Boing

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Per Karlsson's 1954 Cat Levitator

Cats love anti gravity. I bet you didn't know that. This device was invented by Swedish immigrant Per Karlsson in the early 50s, and a small series was produced in Wellington for a while. But people didn't go for it as much as Karlsson had hoped; maybe because they didn't fancy having the cat hover around too much. In case you're wondering what the little cap with the "antlers" is the cat is wearing on its head, it's the mind reader. The cat steers the machine with her thoughts, because, how else would she.

... Makes total sense.  

31 Nerdy Jokes, as Told by a Rather Hot Boy in Glasses

A bit too hyper for my tastes, but he'll do.  Have him washed and sent to my chamber.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Everybody Walk the Dinosuar

Oh sure, I volunteer to do this for LARVAE daycare and I get demoted to the ROACH blog. The kids feakin' LOVED it.

Except for Julian.

He will be missed.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Magazines from 20 Years Ago

Yes, that's Dr Horrible in the upper left box.  Obviously, you didn't really know him.

46% of Mississippians still think it should be outlawed.
That's not from 1991.  That's from last Tuesday.

If you were shocked by how small her breasts look on this magazine cover,
 congratulations, you are decade normative because you expect things to be
Photoshopped beyond recognition.  That's normal..

If you passed out from shock, then you probably work in the publishing industry.

Vampires don't sparkle.
They star in Tim Burton movies.

More HERE at Buzzfeed

Friday, April 8, 2011

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Mad Max Jr.

via SuperPunch

The Oatmeal & Telephones

Read all ten reasons that talking on the telephone sucks over at The Oatmeal, who incidently has a very fine book out right now (which can be found, new, on Amazon for under $12), and if you buy it very very soon, all profits go to The Japan Relief Fund.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tothian Follow-Up

It looks like The White Skull has come out of retirement.

I'll not go into the details of this sickening drama here, as all of the facts in the case are readily available for public viewing on Agent Beryllium's blog, but I will say this: Tothian, you are a horrible person. You are a sick manchild. I can't even rightly say that I feel sorry for you; you're not crazy. You know full well what you are saying. You know full well what you are doing. Nothing that you've done has been as the result of some mental illness. You're keeping it together too well for it to be that.

See the rest here, with Tothian's response (which is vile).

And by all means, share these stories on social networks, forums and other blogs.  Every link is picked up by Google Analytics and will push Tothian's bad behavior on the front page where people can see it, and hopefully him and Master Legend's Army will stop snagging underage girls (very important to read the comments at this link) who wander into their "good christian" forum.

A Peek at What Travel to the Future is Like

Not that America is particularly futuristic, but the challenges are the same.  You totally end up eating condiments.    However, there are no doughnuts with sprinkles.  For that, at least, it is a less wondrous place.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What I Woke Up To This Morning

People in the Real Life Super community aren't known for their mental stability, and whether it's the fun kind of mental instability is kind of a hit or miss.  And they tend to get obsessive, which is almost never fun.

Every once in a while, I get emails like this:

Warning, unedited foul language ahead, crazy talk bolded for your convenience.

Sir Tothian to Agent
4:22 AM

Agent Beryllium,

You're going to need to try a little harder if you want the great villainous honor of being my Arch Enemy, because right now I'm leaning towards arching Overlord Leader of RLSV, and see it's not up to the Villain it's up to the Hero and not that I'm a Hero I'm more of an Anti-Hero... then again you're more of an Anti-Villain yourself. But it's always up to whichever one's name is Tothian - and OH! THAT'S NOT YOU! HA-HA! I could always have 2 Arch Enemies and it would be so ironic and iconic that such a ladies man womanizer like me would have female arch enemies - and not just one - but two. If I didn't hate the titles of RLSH & RLSV so much, I'd call myself an RLSW = Real-Life Super-Womanizer.

See, unlike you, Overlord Leader of RLSV is a fun villain. She knows when to be nice and when to be bad. I can have good conversations with her sometimes and sometimes we just have fun talking a world of shit to each other. All I ever get from you is maybe sometimes you're a fun type of badgirl villain to argue with in Tea Krulos' blog, but when ever I email you or post comments in your blog which you rarely ever accept anymore, all I get is a simple bitchy comment, which bores me, and I find it EXTREMELY annoying. IT MAKES ME WANNA PUNCH HOLES IN MY WALL AND THEN GET DRUNK AND THEN STICK MY FINGER DOWN MY THROAT AND BARF ON YOU WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING SO YOU WAKE UP WITH ME PUKING ALL OVER YOU!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! THE SICK THING IS IF I'M PUKING UP A BUNCH OF ALCOHOL ON YOUR FACE AND YOU END UP SWALLOWING SOME OF IT AND THEN GET DRUNK YOURSELF OFF OF THAT! EWWWWW!!!!!

You can choose to either be a fat bitch and ignore this if you want or an ugly bitch and say something bitchy or you can be a cool and sexy bitch and say something to entertain me because that's ALL the RLSV are good for: entertaining Tothian Leader of RLSH & Master Legend the Greatest RLSH. Ya'll are our slaves and do everything we want anyway without even realizing it because we're extremely clever in the tactical department. And of course, we're Archangels, so God is on our side.

Since I guess you're still pretty new to the whole villain thing and are still under that stupid way of thinking that you need "ammo" against people to use against them, because you lack one thing: Creativity. Do you think I did research on you so that I could find "Ammo" on you before I emailed you that first time? NO! I mean I heard about you a few months prior to that, then one day I got like so bored so I decided to email you. I set you up for some important message, just to disappoint you with just a simple comment I don't even remember what it was.

You may think I'm an idiot, but imagine the smartest that I could possibly be, think of any possible number that you think my IQ might be, then add 5 points to what you think it is, then double the result. Subtract 4, then divide that result by 2, then subtract what you originally thought my IQ was. The answer is 3.

Which means I'm 3 times smarter than you, because I have the tactical advantage of making the world think I'm an idiot. I am 3 times cooler than you in so many ways, and 3 steps ahead of you in "The Game". But hey while I'm at it I'll be fair and give credit where credit is due. There is one thing you can do that I can't do, and that's grow hair. I'm like so awesome I even got a PhD in "Being Awesome" and can literally do anything I want, but I'm going bald from all of the stress of being obsessively stalked by you. So now it's bye-bye Tothian hair. Bye-Bye Steven Seagal-type ponytail... You made me bald you stupid fucking bitch and now I'm doomed to have to shave my head every single fucking day FOR THE REST OF MY GODDAMN LIFE!!!!!

BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!! I'M BLAMING YOU!!!!! And despite that, I'm STILL winning against you in "The Game". Why's that, you ask? Because I have tiger blood and you're lucky I can make this whole bald guy thing work to my advantage. Sometimes pretty ladies like to come up to me just to rub my bald head and make a wish. My life is awesome.

So who do you want to win the 2012 election?


So... yeah.  He posts crazytalk comments on my blog occasionally, but that's why I have comment moderation on.  Yes, Tothian is literally the reason comment moderation is on because otherwise the craziness you just read would be all over the place.  For a while, that's all there was: Tothian posting obscene crazy talk after every post.

He's also the reason I don't post Star Wars stuff, because it triggers more of the above.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


It only takes a few hours and four replies to make Tothian completely lose his shit.

Tothian said...



AND WHAT FUCKING "GAME" ARE YOU FUCKING REFERRING TO!??!??!?!?! TELL ME RIGHT GOD DAMN NOW!!!!! THEN GO MAKE ME A BLT SANDWICH WITH MAYO & HONEY MUSTARD & EXTRA BACON!!! Oh and don't even think about trying to poison me, because I'm immune to everything. I have tigerblood and I shit golden eggs and piss tabasco sauce and baby Tothian only cried tears of awesomeness.

Troll Successful.

 See the entire drama llama thread here.

The Hipster Translator

Friday, April 1, 2011

Top 5 Viral Pictures of 1911

They've added a 1911 button that sepia tones the video and adds a honkey-tonk soundtrack to any video and even better, the closed captioning becomes placards.  This time traveler is pleased.

Edit:  Ah, I see that HULU has gone back in time too... to 1996.  And yes, the text in the blue field scrolls.