Friday, December 31, 2010

Resolutions



I will not get drunk and send henchmen to the Jurassic age. They never do anything interesting there anyway.

I will learn to stomach hops. I cannot keep going back to 5th century Germany just for a six pack.

I will stop refilling the canteen coffeepot with instant coffee, swirling it around, and pretending I made a new pot. Aluminum Chef is starting to get suspicious.

If Your New Year's Resolution is Developing Superpowers, Here's a Handy Guide



Warning: #6 might result in #4.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Thermochromic Paint + Wifebeater = Misanthropy



RLSH making a blue version and crying copyright fowl when someone else makes a red version in 3...2...1...

Spiderman's New Year



I wonder how Phoenix Jones feels about the cover of this week's Stranger? (p.s. I really hope Jones doesn't launch a the "jeggings" trend in RLSH land. That would be... unfortunate.)



Monday, December 27, 2010

When you Said Your Butler was China, I Thought it was a Typo...

It Begins Anew


Poor Santa, just as he's conquered space and time and has nothing but a brand-new 20 year old body to show for it, it's back to the North Pole to grow old and jolly again...

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Real Story of Penicillin



Fleming had to find microbes with different pigments and then time his inoculations such that the different species all matured at the same time. These works existed only as long as it took one species to grow into the others. When that happened, the lines between, say, a hat and a face were blurred; so too were the lines between art and science.

Hint: It does involve watercolor ballerinas, it does not involve half-eaten sandwiches.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Cuteness... Too Much... Can't Stop... POSTING.




New Zealand is hereby allowed to celebrate Christmas instead of Ubermas when the new world order arises.

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Real Origin of Ubermas

Ah, Ubermas. The villain's holiday where pompous ideals such as 'moderation' and 'it's the thought that counts' are thrown right out the window. In truth, Ubermas is a frank acknowledgement of what Christmas has become: a feast of excess and material delights*. Villains are in the "Social Commentary" business and it's a 365 day a year gig.

But is Ubermas new?

No. Not by a long shot.

Tony Robinson (I'll save you the trip to IMDB-- it's Baldrick from Blackadder) explains all about Roman Saturnalia in the Christmas edition of his show "Worst Jobs" at the 1:55 mark.




It makes you wonder about the little red caps that elves-- and for that matter, Smurfs-- wear.


* There are some pious Christians, primarily in America (the land of big if there ever was one) who have started a "War on Christmas" to remind us it's about the simple joys of celebrating their religion's founder's anachronistic birth (yes, it's anachronistic; see 1:22 of the above video) by making increasingly gaudy displays at a monetary cost that would make a wise man ask if you went a bit overboard.

Six to Eight Black Men

The Sedaris Christmas Tradition Continues...









Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Today in Children that Need to be Smacked



My first reaction was "You deserve to be skullfucked you ungrateful little shit" but I realized that might be taken the wrong way. Several wrong ways, actually.

Edison Strikes Back: Victorian Christmas Technology Horror Edition

You will be assimilated. Your cankles won't be.


Nikola Tesla is the undisputed king of mad science back in the early days, but Edison didn't stop at electrocuting beloved pachyderms. No, he made these things. What is it? It's just your typical creepy toy doll with first-generation playback technology embedded inside. Turn the handle (Not too fast-- you'll break it!  But not to slow either unless you want the gruntings of a constipated Satan ringing in your ears!) and the soulless automaton would recite a nursery rhyme... like an emphasymatic Miley Cyrus.

Now we know what Jonathan Coulton was singing about.

Thought You'd Get Off Easy, Eh Australia?


When ROACH wishes you a White Ubermas, we mean it.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Mad Skillz, Gentlemen


I can in no way justify the existence of this image except to say that nothing ever changes. (Not Pictured: Women in bustle skirts ignoring them.)

Typewriter Geeks

Matt couldn't help but correct her, and said the Olivetti Lettera 32 is also in the museum, and that the Valentine, built for fashion, is "just the Olivetti 32 in a new chassy."
"But, oh what a body," added McGettigan.


The cherry-red Valentine


Read more insider scoop about the first Philadelphia Type-In here.

Friday, December 17, 2010

FYI

826 Echo Park Time Travel Mart Online Store is OPEN!

From once-ubiquitous coffee cups...



To Dodo-Chow...





To ray guns...



To this poster that I covet immensely...





Products that were once exclusive to the Los Angeles area's 826 storefront/homework help charity/thing of pure awesomeness are now available online.

Thursday, December 16, 2010



Finally, the dreams of Lucien Fubbs, Esq. have been collected and distilled into a flash game titled 'La Maccina di Fubbs'.

Mind you, I did not say that this was a good thing. It's just finally happened, that's all.

The Most Beloved Christmas Carol of the 49th Century



It origins ancient and mysterious, its music both haunting and joyous, it is truly what Christmastime means to us all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, or Secret Superheroes of Fail Fashion Show?



Crochet sleeves? Knee high novelty socks? Acrylic wings? WHY ARE PLASTIC RIBBONS COMING OUT OF YOUR BUTT??? YOU ARE THE WORST KITE EVER!!!





Less "superhero", more of a "living embodiment of craft ideas gone wrong". CraftFail-tan, if you will.




You have skinned Lady Gaga and made her hide into wings. Good for you?




Found you, Miss Fit!!!




La Femme Lacrosse: The only superhero that is unrepentant about wearing spraypainted  sports gear as armor.



Football field cape, baseball stitch swimsuit, basketball titties and slutty luchadore platform heels. You try so hard, but your husband will still tell you to get out of the way while the game's on. Just let it go, honey.





... Now you're just fucking with me.

The Next "Furby"


FTFA:

Ref is a haptic creature that straps onto your wrist and twists, curls, and nuzzles against your skin in response to changes in your pulse. The movements are designed to soothe, to “help people become familiar with their emotional world,”

If the user is stressed, its head is raised and its tail straight. If the user is in balance, its head rests on the users arm and its tail curls up. 


I have two: one in baby pink w/ brown pinstripes for girly days and one wrought in black leather and gunmetal for those days I don't feel all that bubbly.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Roach Employee of the Month



Whoever wrote this sign.

ROACH Industries: Just because you don't work for us doesn't mean you can't be our employee of the month.

The Ugg Vaccine




Someone mistook my tight black jeans for leggings the other day.

I punched her in the throat.

My sister should be out of the hospital by Christmas.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I Have an Alibi



I was on the moon with Steve, no, wait, I was dead at the time!

Holographic Maps: The Next Big Thing



Or at least it will be when 40 years have passed and a tech geek finally manages to sell the idea to a conglomerate. Those maps will look much better, but really it's the same thing.

You might have noticed something similar with your movie industry as of late.

Friday, December 10, 2010




http://thisisindexed.com/2010/11/looks-so-pretty-at-night/

Back from Vacation in Dimension Z

When the Potentate says "Take a fucking vacation already!" in response to your thirty-fourth memo of the day, he really means it. No seriously, ninjas show up out of nowhere. You wake up on a sunny beach in a tub of sunblock with a note taped to your chest that says "You have two hours to find the tiki bar. The margaritas contain the antidote".